Facts About Open Adoption
Fear: I’m afraid if she is in our lives, I will feel jealous of the birthmother.
Fact: In a survey conducted by Open Adoption & Family Services (OA&FS), 80% of parents who adopted through our agency found they did not feel jealous of their child’s birthmother.
Fear: I’m afraid pregnant women/couples would be more likely to change their minds.
Fact: On average, only 7% of pregnant women/couples who plan adoptions through OA&FS change their minds after the baby is born. Nationwide, the average is 20%.
Fear: Open adoptions don’t allow boundaries. The birthparents will visit whenever they want.
Fact: Adoptive parents and birthparents create a legally-enforceable open adoption agreement, an individualized plan that outlines in advance the number of ongoing visits and the exchange of letters and photos.
Fear: Having contact with the birth family will be an intrusion on my family.
Fact: In an OA&FS survey, families maintaining regular contact with the birth family reported higher levels of satisfaction with their adoptions.
Fear: I am afraid open adoption will be confusing for my child.
Fact: Closed adoptions have shown that secrecy confuses children. Children benefit from access to honest information. In an open adoption, the roles of adoptive parents and birthparents are separate and clearly defined.
Fear: If I adopt, I will continue to feel grief about not having a biological child.
Fact: In an OA&FS survey, 90% of adoptive parents reported they did not continue to feel infertility-related grief after adopting.
Fear: With an open adoption, my extended family will be less welcoming of my child.
Fact: Nearly 100% of OA&FS adoptive parents who responded to our survey reported that their extended families relate very positively to their adopted children.
Fear: I am afraid the birthparents will try to undermine my relationship with my child.
Fact: In an open adoption, the birthparents’ role is to support the adoptive parents as the child’s parents. The birthparents do not compete with the adoptive parents.
Fear: When my child is a teenager, he will want to live with his birthparents.
Fact: This is less likely to happen when children know their birthparents, because they have no fantasies about them. The bond between adoptive parents and their children is just as strong as a biological bond.
Fear: Ongoing contact will only benefit the birthparents.
Fact: A national study (Grotevant & McRoy, 1998) found that ongoing contact significantly benefits the adoptive parents by putting their fears of the unknown to rest.
Open Adoption & Family Services (OA&FS) distributed an extensive adoptive parent survey to families who adopted from 1985 to 2001. Forty-nine percent (297) of the 601 surveys were completed and returned. OA&FS is a nonprofit adoption agency that has helped plan over 1,000 successful open adoptions since 1985.
Families often find their open adoption family relationships so worthwhile, they want more openness. A national study of 360 open adoption families, including Open Adoption & Family Services (OA&FS) families who participated in the survey, found that over time, adoptive parents, birthparents and adoptees all tend to wish for more openness in their adoption. Learn more in The Birthparent Perspective, a special report from the September/October 2008 issue of Adoptive Families Magazine.