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Common Statements Made by Pregnant Adolescents

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Pregnant Adolescent: A mother who really loves her baby would not give her baby up for adoption.

Counselor: The job of a good mother is to ensure that the needs of her child are met from the very beginning. You are meeting the needs of your child now by taking care of yourself and getting prenatal care. Before the birth, you will need to decide if you can meet the growing and changing needs of your child after it is born. This decision always creates a battle between the head and the heart, and you need to honor both. If you decide you cannot adequately meet the needs of your child, planning an adoption is a loving decision.

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Pregnant Adolescent: I got myself into this; I need to take the responsibility for my child.

Counselor: The responsibility of a good parent is to see that the needs of her child are met. You are working on that by coming in and talking about it. You also have a responsibility to meet your own needs which may include continuing your education and preparing yourself for independent living. Sometimes, it is too hard to do both of these at the same time. A child can't wait to start his/her future. Adoption can make it possible to meet both of these responsibilities.

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Pregnant Adolescent: I would never be able to stop thinking of my baby.

Counselor: You will always remember your baby, and you will always be that child's birthmother. Giving birth is a special experience, and there will always be a bond between you. An adoption will not change those facts. Loss is part of life, and healing from loss is not permanent. Many people become stronger and more confident because of the experience.

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Pregnant Adolescent: I know this kid at school who's adopted, and he hates his parents.

Counselor: How many friends do you have who are not adopted and who sometimes say they hate their parents? The family that you choose is right for this time, but none of us can know what will happen in the future. We can be hopeful that they will build a good relationship with this child that will continue through the teenage years.

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Pregnant Adolescent: Adoptive parents could never love my baby the way I can.

Counselor: It's true that the adoptive parents have not had the pregnancy and birth experience. What we know from many years of experience is that the depth of love parents feel for their children is not dependent on how the child entered the family.

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Pregnant Adolescent: I wouldn't be able to handle it, and my life would never be the same again.

Counselor: Your life will never be the same whether you parent your baby or plan an adoption. Either way, you will experience grief because there is a loss. With parenting, you will lose future opportunities and freedom. With adoption, you lose the experience of raising this child. Making choices is difficult, but I am sure you will make a good decision and be able to feel peace and acceptance.

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Pregnant Adolescent: My boyfriend, friends, and parents would not understand. They would think I am terrible.

Counselor: This is a decision you will have to live with for the rest of your life, and it is a decision only you can make. These other people will go on with their lives, but you will be left with your decision. If your decision is not understood by the important people in your life, it will be hard for you, and you will feel alone. But, with support, you will withstand the pressure and remain committed to the choice you have made.

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Pregnant Adolescent: I could never do that (place my child). I don't want to discuss it.

Counselor: Tell me what you know about adoption. (Provide time for response). Let's talk about how adoption compares with your other choices.