Open Adoption and Family Services Quarterly Newsletter
Spring 2008 Open Adoption & Family Services, Inc.
Vol. 17, No. 3
Articles:
- Benefits of Birthfather Involvement
- Birthfather’s Matter
- Including Birthfathers?
- “Juno”… A Review
- 2008 Client Survey
View the entire Spring 2008 newsletter (PDF)
Birthfather’s Matter
By Suzie Williams, OA&FS Program Manager
When people think of adoption, they typically conjure up an image of a pregnant woman and the adopting parents. This is also the image most often portrayed by the media as well. It goes without saying that the birthfather is certainly part of the equation; however, the birthfather’s role in adoption has historically been marginalized. In the recent movie Juno, about a pregnant teenager who plans an adoption, the birthfather is notably portrayed as sensitive, caring, and supportive. Even so, he is not depicted as having any role in the adoption process itself. In fact, his absence in the adoption process isn’t questioned or distinguished as unusual in any way. I believe this reflects our culture’s over-riding expectation and acceptance that most birthfathers are not involved in the adoption process.
For the last 30 years, adoption in the United States has been emerging from a history entrenched in secrecy and shame. We have been hearing the voices of, and increasing our sensitivity to, the needs of each member of the adoption triad. In fact, OA&FS was founded in response to these needs. While our belief in the benefits of open adoption have always included birthfathers, in recent years we wanted to challenge ourselves to more actively and intentionally involve birthfathers. In 2002, as part of a five-year strategic plan, OA&FS set out to increase birthfather involvement by making our program more accessible to birthfathers, and by promoting the value and importance of birthfather involvement—something that is all too often overlooked. It wasn’t until we began to listen more deeply and ask questions of birthfathers, that we came to understand their unique needs and the obstacles they face.
Although birthfathers are frequently willing to be involved to the extent of signing consents, they often do not see a reason to engage further in the ongoing adoption process. Birthfathers sometimes assume that their child doesn’t care about or desire a connection with them as much as they do their birthmother. In 2004, we created our Fathers Matter brochure which was specifically designed to help prospective birthfathers understand the unique importance of their involvement to both the child and the adoptive parents. The brochure successfully captures the sentiment of OA&FS adoptive parents who genuinely want to know their child’s birthfather and want their child to know their birthfather.
Because the relationship between the birthmother and birthfather can be complicated, accessing services together may be challenging. In order to avoid awkward or tense situations, a birthfather may feel the most supportive thing he can do is bow out quietly. We assure birthfathers that our services can be accessed in a manner that feels comfortable and that takes the unique dynamics of his and the birthmother’s circumstances into consideration. This includes the option to access services separate from, but respectful of, each other’s role in the adoption process.
Another trend we noticed was that many birthfathers were attending counseling sessions as a means to support the birthmother, rather than accessing it as an experience that could be genuinely relevant and useful to them. The counselors at OA&FS understand that the issues men face when considering an adoption plan are different than the issues confronting prospective birthmothers. Men, in general, approach decision making differently than women, and these differences extend to how they experience grief and loss. Our counselors also appreciate the unique cultural expectations, pressures, and stigmas men undergo regarding their role in pregnancy and parenting. OA&FS is proud to have developed counseling services that expectant fathers and birthfathers find so useful and relevant to their experience.
At OA&FS we sincerely believe that birthfathers matter. This conviction has been clearly echoed by the children placed through our agency, as well as by OA&FS adoptive parents, whether they lack a connection to the birthfather or are enriched by their relationship with him. Through the steps we have taken to promote the benefits of birthfather involvement, to the concrete ways in which we have made our services more accessible and relevant to birthfathers, we are pleased to see more birthfathers playing an active role in their adoptions. Although OA&FS has historically surpassed other agencies in obtaining birthfather consents, we are now setting ourselves apart in regard to the number of birthfathers who are involved in the adoption planning process, who go on to sign open adoption agreements, and who create lifelong connections with the adoptive family and child.
The premier northwest adoption agency completing the most domestic, infant adoptions in Oregon and Washington.
5200 SW Macadam Avenue,
Suite 250
Portland, Oregon 97239
315 West 10th Ave.
Eugene, OR 97401
200 West Mercer Street,
Suite E-508
Seattle, WA 98119
| Oregon: | ||
|---|---|---|
| Portland, OR: | Phone: (503) 226-4870 | Fax: (503) 226-4891 |
| Eugene, OR: | Phone: (541) 343-4825 | Fax: (541) 431-1241 |
| Medford, OR: | Phone: (541) 608-6134 | Fax: (541) 282-8564 |
| Bend, OR: | Phone: (541) 388-2535 | |
| Salem, OR: | Phone: (503) 540-5832 | |
| Washington: | ||
| Seattle, WA: | Phone: (206) 782-0442 | Fax: (206) 782-0578 |
| Vancouver, WA: | Phone: (360) 254-7236 | |
| Olympia, WA: | Phone: (360) 352-3063 | |
