Quick Links ----- Select One ------ Adoption Statistics Adoptive Family Groups Forum Adoptive Parent Profiles Birthfathers Birthmother Brochure Donate Faces of Open Adoption How to Adopt Mission Statement Open Page Newsletter Options Counseling Spanish Brochure

Open Adoption and Family Services Quarterly Newsletter

OpenPage Main
2008 Spring | 2008 Winter | 2007 Summer
2007 Spring | 2006 Summer | 2006 Winter
2005 Summer | 2005 Winter | 2005 Summer
2004 Winter | 2003 Summer | 2003 Spring
2003 Winter | 2002 Summer | 2002 Spring
2002 Winter | 2001 Summer | 2001 Spring

---

Spring 2007 Open Adoption & Family Services, Inc.
Vol. 16, No. 1

Articles:

• Note From the Director
• Openness Without Contact?
• Out of Touch
• Honoring Sibling Connections
• Tool Kit for Creating Openness
• Ask Astrid
• Openness From A to Z

View the entire Spring 2007 newsletter (PDF)

---

Note From the Director, Shari Levine

When we opened our doors 22 years ago, we hoped to forge a new path in the world of adoption. Without a model to guide us, we created the first open adoption agency in the northwest. We didn’t know what the future would hold, but we were certain of our mission. We held a heartfelt belief that the ongoing needs of adopted children would be better addressed if their birthparents and adoptive parents honored and respected each other through a lifelong connection. We have stayed true to that mission ever since.

Two decades and over 1,000 placements later, we are no longer pioneers. Now we have the wisdom of experience. We’ve learned that open adoption relationships are like any other relationships; they grow and change and ebb and flow. An open adoption relationship is valuable, just like any friendship that is worth nurturing and cultivating. We have also learned that open adoption relationships come in many forms; they are as unique as the individuals themselves. Lastly, we have learned from the kids that they deeply appreciate the efforts their birth and adoptive families make to keep in touch and hold each other in high regard.

But what happens if, despite our best efforts, the connection fades? How do we stay true to the spirit of open adoption when, due to lack of contact, there is no open adoption? How then do we meet the child’s needs? We have found that adoptive parents can, in fact, create a culture of openness in their family that is not linked to the amount of contact they have with the birth family. Holding the birth family in high regard by displaying photos of them around the house, speaking frequently and positively about them, and discussing adoption openly and honestly, creates an environment of openness for the child. These actions send a message to the child that their birth family members are a part of their family, that they hold intrinsic value.

A family can be an “open adoption family” by cultivating a culture of openness. This Open Page issue is dedicated to how to make a culture of openness a reality.

---

Tool Kit for Creating Openness

By: Gillian Freney, OA&FS Counselor/Mediator

Everyone can build and maintain a culture of openness in their family. Openness does not hinge on a particular quantity or quality of contact between adoptive and birth families. A culture of openness embraces the truth about your child’s adoption, and gives him or her tools for integrating their many and complex feelings about adoption. Here are some tools for building and maintaining a culture of openness in your family:

• Talk to your child. Don’t wait for them to ask questions about their adoption or their birth family. Speaking first creates an atmosphere of safety and comfort.
• Reach out to birthparents regularly, even if they don’t respond. Invite them, without pressure or guilt, to know you all better. That tenth gentle invitation may be the thing that makes a birthparent connect, even after many years. If you can’t reach out to your child’s birthparents for some reason, devise some sort of ceremonial reaching out (see rituals). Reaching out to your child’s birthparents tells your child you cherish every aspect of his or her being.
• Be a thorough historian of your child’s birth family, birth, and adoption. Make a life story book and write down all the details. Take pictures. Your child will treasure these details of his or her story regardless of the level of future contact you have.
• Be honest with your child. Children need and deserve as much truth about their birth family as is appropriate for their age. Keep the lines of communication open with everyone involved. Talk about your child’s birthparents with him or her (even if it’s painful). Seek guidance if you’re struggling with how much information is too much for your child’s developmental level.
• Don’t forget about your child’s birthfather, even if you don’t know much about him. He represents half of your child’s biological heritage, and your child’s curiosity and emotional needs will extend to him, too. Help your child have a compassionate and respectful view of his or her birthfather. It could impact your child’s self-regard. Remember that every effort you make to build bridges with birthparents, you do for your child.
• Join a play group. Having the opportunity to play and build relationships with other adopted children normalizes the adoption experience. Adoptive children form friendships, share experiences, and ask questions of their peers.
• Connect with extended family. Don’t forget about birth grandparents, aunts, uncles or cousins. Talk about your child’s lineage even if you don’t know all of the details. This will give the child tools to conceptualize a sense of place within a larger family tree and a sense of continuity with their ancestors.
• Create rituals. Light a candle on a special date, scrapbook, or write a letter.

Remember, through your actions, you are giving your child the tools to navigate their open adoption relationships throughout their childhood and into their adulthood.