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Open Adoption in the News

Opening Their Hearts: Gaining in popularity, open adoptions allow birth parents to be part of child's life

November 18, 2003
The Bulletin, Bend, Oregon
By Julie Johnson

Tamar Robledo was the at-home mother of a 4-month-old by when she found out she was pregnant.

Her boyfriend of nearly 10 years, Joseph Bryant, brought in enough money to support the small family from his job as a land surveyor - but just barely. Robledo was still healing from the birth of their son and learning how to be a mother.

Robledo and Bryant didn't know how they were going to manage another infant.

"Mentally, physically, emotionally, financially - I just could not do it," Robledo said of raising another child so close on the heels of now 14-month-old Skyyler.

With abortion dismissed out of hand because of their religious and personal beliefs, the Bend couple turned to adoption, but not just any adoption. The couple wanted to be able to visit their child and see her grow up. They chose an open adoption, an arrangement in which the birth parents are guaranteed periodic visits with their child and continued ties with the adoptive family.

An open adoption agency newly at work in Central Oregon has led to more Central Oregon families - adoption and birth - choosing open adoption instead of the more customary anonymous, or closed, adoptions of the past 50 years, said Minny Purinton, Central Oregon's outreach coordinator for Open Adoption and Family Services.

Open Adoption and Family Services, based in Portland, began in 1985, but hired a representative in Central Oregon last spring. The agency wants to see more potential adoptive parents in Central Oregon, and wants to make its services available to potential birth parents in the area as well.

Open Adoption and Family Services handles only open adoptions, except in a few rare situations when the birth mother does not want ongoing contact, Purinton said. Some other agencies in the area provide both open adoptions and more tradition approaches, including New Hope Child and Family Agency and Plan Loving Adoptions Now.

Not everyone supports open adoption. Purinton said some social workers think completely confidential adoptions are better for children. Margaret Godfrey, the Eugene-based regional director of Open Adoption and Family Services, said criticism of open adoption is often based on reluctance to change from the traditional adoption mindset of confidentiality. She said some families harbor misconceptions about birth families exerting too much control over parenting decisions, something she has not seen occur in her nine years with the agency.

But open adoption is gaining in popularity as potential adoptive parents and birth parents realize the importance of eliminating the mystery of adoption, Purinton said.

"We want to erase the stigma of adoption," Purinton said. "The more a child knows about their adoption story and has contact with the birth parents, it doesn't become this thing hidden in a closet somewhere. It creates psychological well-being."

That's the hope for Robledo, 32, and Bryant, 28, who placed their daughter Zöe with a couple from Auburn, Wash., two days after her birth Oct. 3.

Bryant, who was adopted as an infant, wanted to make sure his daughter never had to wonder, as he did, who his birth parents were and what they were like.

"She'll be able to understand more as she gets older," Bryant said. "She'll benefit from knowing us and being able to call us."

Greg and Megan Evans, who adopted Zöe, were set on making sure their daughter would know who her birth parents were.

"There's an inherent need to know your own genealogical background," said Greg Evans, 31. "We're not making that a mystery to her."

But beyond the mere facts of the baby's genes - where she got her dark, thick hair and the slope of her long nose - Zöe will also grow up with a real relationship with her birth parents, and Megan Evans.

"Joseph and Tamar really are like family," Megan Evans said. "Zöe will have the bonus of having more family members."

The tow families have already agreed that Zöe will call Robledo and Bryant by the names Mama Tamar and Papa Joe. They exchange photographs regularly, and the Evans invited the Bend family to their home for Christmas.

Purinton said the relationship between the Evanses and Robledo and Bryant is typical of an open adoption, although some families have less contact.

In an open adoption, the birth mother or birth parents choose the adoptive parents out of a pool of applicants. Birth parents can choose a single mother, a same-sex couple, a religious family, urban or rural homes - whichever family the birth parents think will be best for the child based on family profiles provided by the adoption agency. The adoptive parents pay a $16,000 adoption fee, and in some cases some of the birth mother's medical expenses.

Once a family is chosen, the birth mother - usually seven months pregnant by this time, according to Purinton - meets with the prospective parents. If both parties agree, they work out an adoption agreement that spells out how much contact the child will have with the birth parents. The agreement is a legal contract, Purinton said.

Many families stick to the agreement and have no other contact. In some cases, the birth parents drift away after a while and contact with the child diminishes.

But in many cases, the relationship between the birth mother and the child far exceeds what is spelled out in the contact.

Susan and Collins Gilbertson of Culver, who adopted twin boys three years ago through Purinton's agency, see far more of their sons' birth mother than is specified in their adoption agreement.

The couple decided on an open adoption because they wanted their sons to know where they came from, but Susan Gilbertson said she was initially afraid that the birth mother would try to exert too much control over the boys, Sam and Max. The Gilbertsons had many fears and doubts about the relationship with the birth family.

"I was skeptical," Collin Gilbertson said. "I thought were taking a big risk. But getting to know them nullified all our fears."

Three and a half years after their adoption, Sam and Max see their birth mother, Misty Plank, about six times a year. The adoption agreement specifies at least two visits per year.

The Gilberstons, both 41, also see both sets of the boys' birth grandparents regularly. Plank's parents spent Christmas with the Gilbertsons in Culver last year. The families consider each other friends, and now Susan Gilbertson's biggest fear is what she initially thought would be a good thing - that the birth family's involvement will eventually dwindle.

Robledo said women often misunderstand adoption.

"They think it's such a terrible heart-wrenching to give up your child," she said. "But it doesn't have to be that way. This is just an extension of our family."