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Open Adoption in the News

Open adoption keeps birth family involved

By Justin Carinci
The Columbian
Monday, Oct. 10, 2005

Gavin Vallance, 14, walked out of the Water Resources Education Center on Sunday, joking affectionately with his adoptive family – and arm-in-arm with his birth mother. That seamless mingling of families spoke to the success celebrated at Open Adoption & Family Services’ 20th anniversary.

The organization seeks to match adoptive families to those hoping to offer their children for adoption.

In an open adoption, the two families make a connection and keep it alive as the child grows.

“It takes a lot of the mystery away from adoption,” said John Terranova of Olympia. He and wife, Joann, have an 8-month-old adopted son, also named John, who is their first child.

“We’re big believers in the open aspect of open adoption.”

The Terranovas and other adoptive parents who stay in contact with birth parents call the setup an extended family. But many go in with apprehensions.

“It’s definitely a lot of work,” Joann Terranova said. “You’re parenting a child, but you’re also working on your relationship with two people you’ve only just met.”

Gavin Vallance’s adoptive father, Scott, went in with the same fears. “You don’t know anything about this person,” he said.

“But after we met Margie, that went away.”

Margie Dunham, Gavin’s birth mother, never considered raising him herself. She was 15 when she gave birth.

She also never considered a traditional, or closed, adoption for Gavin.

“It was like a natural for me,” Dunham said. “I said I wanted contact of some sort.”

The adoption agency balked. “I kinda got turned away,” she said.

Dunham found a new agency and met the Vallances. The relationship turned out so well that the Vallances adopted two other children besides Gavin in open adoptions.

They found themselves with a big new family, replete with parents and grandparents. That results in plenty of parties, as children enjoy festivities with adoptive parents, birth parents and friends.

“Instead of birthdays, we have birthday weeks,” Scott said.

Gavin spoke on a panel, “Teens of Open Adoption,” Sunday. “I just thought that maybe there are parents who were thinking about (open adoption) but were not sure,” Gavin said.

“I could answer their questions.”

Gavin’s ease with his entire extended family shows the advantage of open adoption, Scott said. The tale of unsuspecting children resenting their hidden adoption has truth behind it, Scott said.

“I don’t think it’s lore,” he said. “In some cases, people are resentful.

“It’s like not telling them about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny,” Scott said. “They figure out you’re lying to them.”