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Open Adoption in the News

Adoption Options
The many ways to bring a child into your family

By Teresa Carson
Metro Parent magazine
November 2004

Ten-month-old Michael Chilcote Bacco tumbles around his family’s tidy Beaverton living room, cooing, waving, clearly working up to those first wobbly steps. His doting parents catch him, cuddle him and giggle at his mugging and goofy growls.

Michael is one of about 2,000 kids adopted in Oregon every year. Derek and Lisa Chilcote Bacco traveled halfway around the world to South Korea to pick up their beautiful baby. After months of studying their adoption options, they decided on foreign adoption and selected South Korea and Oregon-based agency Holt International to make the arrangements.

When parents like the Chilcote Baccos first begin investigating the possibility of adopting a child, they find that adoption is commonly accomplished through one of four methods. Most adoptions occur through a private international agency, a private domestic agency, a public agency – Oregon Department of Human Services in Oregon – or independently using a lawyer. None of the methods is fast or easy. Adoption can be expensive, although a recently instituted federal tax credit helps. The waiting period for all types of adoption ranges from a few months to up to two years. But every adoptive parent interviewed said it was well worth the time and money.

And there are plenty of children who need loving homes, according to adoption agency executives. “There’s a myth that there are no babies. There are more babies available in the world than there ever has been,” says Ann Scott, executive director of Plan Loving Adoptions Now agency.

The International Option

International adoptions, the option picked by the Chilcote Bacco family, currently are available from 85 countries. Costs can range up to $30,000 depending on travel and stay requirements of the country selected.

Michael’s adoption cost about $17,000 including travel. Although they could have opted for an escort, the Chilcote Baccos decided to go to South Korea to get Michael so they could see his country and meet his foster mother who cared for him for the first three months of his life. They chose Holt because they felt it provided a lot of support and follow-up. The Chilcote Baccos’ process with Holt took about one year or about six months after they complicated their application.

The Private Agency Approach

Private agency adoptions are handled by licensed agencies in Oregon and are the option many prospective parents select when they are seeking to adopt an infant of the same racial background as themselves. Costs can range up to $25,000. Adoptive families are increasingly selected by the birth mothers. Open adoptions, in which one or both birth parent maintains contact with the child and his family, are becoming more and more common.

Carol Merwin and her husband, Ralph, are thrilled with their 2001 open adoption arrangement for their daughter Natalie, now 3 years old. “I really, really wanted to parent from the newborn stage, so we could grow and bond together,” the northeast Portland mom says. They chose an open adoption because “for my own peace of mind I really wanted for the woman to say ‘I want you to raise my child.’” She was drawn to open adoption because “there is a connection there (with the birth parent) and it seemed better to acknowledge, embrace and honor that connection.”

The Merwins were at the hospital for Natalie’s birth, although not in the delivery room. They see the birth mother and her family several times a year. The birth father and his parents are also involved. Merwin says she has been completely surprised by the connection she feels with the birth parents. “Our love for Natalie extends to them,” she says. “It was so easy to want to see them. It has been a joy to know both of them. The whole process has opened my heart.” Natalie calls her birth parents by their first names and “is just getting old enough to begin to understand” the arrangement. Merwin says they waited for about a year for Natalie and that her adoption cost about $15,000.

Adopting Foster Kids

Public agency adoption, done in Oregon through the Department of Human Services or one of its private agency partners, finds permanent homes for kids who have been in foster care. Very few infants are available. Most of the children are older, about half over 6 years old, says Kathy Ledesma, program manager for adoption services at DHS. About half are in sibling groups that need to be adopted together. Some have special needs. This is usually the fastest and least expensive adoption option. Once a family has the required home study completed, placement can occur in months.

St. Helen residents Shari and Tim Gale adopted a 3-year-old boy through DHS about 12 years ago. “It has been a perfect match,” Shari Gale says. Gale admits the kids from DHS can require some extra care. “They do have a history. They were taken from their parents for a reason.” But she says, “many of these kids overcome whatever comes their way.” Andrew, now a freshman in high school, is “a total joy,” says his mother.

“The rewards far outweigh the risks,” DHS’ Ledesma says of her agency’s adoptions. “Everything we know about a child is made available to the families. We never ask families to do more than they are sure they can handle,” she says.

Gale says they waited only months for Andrew, after their paperwork was completed, and after declining two waiting children that did not feel right for their family. Gale recalls the whole adoption cost less than $1,000.

Private Adoptions Through Attorneys

Independent adoptions are done through private attorneys. These adoptions almost always involve infants. Birth mothers typically choose the adoptive parents and the costs can run up to $40,000. Experts caution that it is important to select an experienced attorney, especially if the birth mother lives in another state. Procedures for these arrangements vary with the attorney and birth mother.

Adoption Details

Agency adoptions generally require prospective parents to attend one or more classes to make sure they understand the ins and outs of adoption, and have a sense of the challenges of parenting. Prospective parents then compile a lengthy application which involves many documents including tax forms, employment history and personal references. The agencies ask about how the parents were raised and how they feel about various parenting issues. The personal references are asked to answer extensive questionnaires about the prospective parents. For private agency adoptions, prospective parents write a “Dear Birth Mother” letter or create a book that the birth mom can review to help her in selecting a family for her child.

Not all prospective parents are welcomed with open arms. For example, Susan Cox, vice president at Holt International notes that same-sex couples are routinely turned down for foreign adoptions. Some agencies have a “40 year rule,” allowing no more than 40-year age difference between child and parent. But birth moms can pick whomever they want and with many agencies, including DHS, the age difference issue is decided on a case-by-case basis.

Additionally, all prospective parents must have a home study – costing anywhere from $500 to $1500 – which consists of several interviews and at least one home visit by a social worker. (Financial assistance for the cost of the home study is available for DHS adoptions.) The home study is usually not transferable, so if the parents decide to change agencies, a new home study will be done.

The adoptive parents interviewed seemed to welcome this scrutiny and probing. “We had a lot of conversations. We had to come together on a lot of issues” that biological families might not think about before the kids come, Derek Chilcote Bacco says.

Adoptive families describe many of the same panicky times with their children as birth parents do. Why is he crying? Will she ever sleep? Is he happy at school? But adoptive families also have some special challenges. Michael Chilcote Bacco was used to sleeping on the floor with his Korean foster mother. “The first couple of weeks we spent some nights sleeping on the floor with him. It took a couple of weeks for him to get used to a crib,” Lisa says.

All the parents spoke of a sense of kismet in their adoptions. In picking Holt and South Korea for their adoption, the Chilcote Baccos say they felt the hand of fate. “It’s hard to describe,” says Derek, “we had a gut feeling.” Adds Lisa: “We just knew that this was the path that was leading us to our child.”