Branches of the Family Tree
The following was written in 1998 by Eugene Regional Director Margaret Godfrey, whose daughter placed a child through OA&FS in 1992.
As many of you know, I am a birth grandmother. Working at Open Adoption & Family Services has been a cathartic experience for me. The work I do on a daily basis allows me to revisit and process my own experience with adoption. Just as Executive Director Shari Levine’s experience as an adoptive parent brought her to this work, so has my experience as a birth grandparent brought me to the work. I see this as an indication that birth families and adoptive families are equally affected in a positive way by open adoption.
Although my granddaughter, Kelly, is more than five years old, I picture moments of my daughter’s pregnancy, her decision to release Kelly, the birth, and handing my grandchild to another family as vividly as if it happened yesterday. There was pain, but I knew at the time that the adoption offered this child, who shares my genes, the brightest future. The true miracle is that at 17 years old, my daughter Meg could see that, too. And now every time we see Kelly, that excellent decision is affirmed. She is beautiful, bright, self-assured and secure. My daughter has gone forward as a woman with choices to make and the assurance that she is capable of making wise, if difficult, decisions. Kelly’s family has opened their hearts to embrace our family, not because they signed an agreement, but because they want Kelly to know us. Kelly already knows that she grew in Meg’s body and that they have a special bond. She comes to our farm and rides horses with her birth grandfather running alongside. She decorates my neck with markers to make me more beautiful. Our two families are intertwined through this child.
Someone once used the analogy of the tree and its branches in describing adoption. In that analogy, a branch of a tree was chopped off and taken away. I don’t feel as if a part of me has been chopped off, but, rather, as if a part of me is growing and thriving in my neighbor’s yard. I see my grandchild as a sprout from my roots: alive, strong and connected.