Answers to Questions Frequently Asked By Birth Grandparents

Is raising this child my responsibility?

• What do your emotional, physical, and financial resources look like?
• Are you prepared to have a child in your home and create the home and life you would like for your grandchild?
• What typically happens in your family when there is a crisis?
• Do you expect yourself to parent out of your love for your child?
• Does your child expect you to parent if he/she is not in a position to do so?

Respect your child as someone unique and separate from yourself.  This is ultimately their decision. 

Will I still be a grandparent if my child plans an adoption?

• What would being a grandparent mean to you?
• Does this vision fit with your child and the adoptive family’s vision?
• How do you see yourself being involved in an ongoing relationship with your birth grandchild?

Your grandchild will always be a part of your life regardless of whether your child chooses to parent or place the child with an adoptive family. 

Will my child accomplish his/her goals and dreams if he/she chooses to parent?

• What are your hopes and dreams for your child?
• How may your hopes and dreams differ from those of your child?
• Is it possible for she/he to accomplish their goals while parenting?
• What concerns would you have should your child choose to parent?

Your child is already behaving like a responsible parent by taking the time to consider all their options.

Can my child handle the emotional pain of an adoption plan?

• How has your child coped with grief and loss in the past?
• How have you managed loss in your own life?
• Is loss through adoption a family pattern?  If so, how do these past experiences influence your thoughts/feelings now?
• Are you in some ways blaming yourself for your child’s current circumstances?
• What family rituals are in place to commemorate losses?

The life experiences of your child may be very different from your own.

How can I best demonstrate my love and understanding for my child?

• How can you support your child no matter their decision?
• What can you do to prepare yourself for this life change?
• What kind of role does your child want you to play while they are contemplating their decision?
• What expectations does your child have of you should she/he choose to parent or plan an adoption?

Give yourself permission to grieve the upcoming changes in the life of your child, no matter their choice.  Ask for assistance if needed. If you do not know what to say to your child, just being there shows you care.

Birth Grandparents Experience

In the interviews below, birth grandparents living an open adoption placed through Open Adoption & Family Services (OA&FS) were eager to share their experience with families considering adoption.

How did you work through any fears or misgivings you had when you heard your son or daughter was considering an open adoption?

"At first I just had a total lack of knowledge about what open adoption meant. Also I was worried about how my husband would respond to the idea of adoption. We talked facts and received a lot of good information from the agency. When we met the adoptive parents, we really liked them and felt so much more positive about our daughter’s adoption plan."

"A closed adoption is all I had any experience with, but I was a quick convert to open adoption. The reading I did about it made sense. On an emotional level, there was a secret joy at the thought that I would not lose contact with my first grandchild."

Now that you’re in an open adoption, how are you involved with your birth grandchild and the adoptive parents?

"We keep in touch via email and visit each other on special occasions such as birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, etc."

"They are extended family to us. We stay at each other’s homes and acknowledge all special days."

"Our grandchild’s adoptive family makes every effort to see us. Sometimes they call and invite us to meet halfway between our homes to go to the zoo or aquarium. We are part of each other’s families."

"Now that our granddaughter is older, we are invited to all her school plays and sports events. We feel very invited to be her grandparents in every way."

"My relationship with my grandson is priceless. There is a little ball of grief in my gut because he is not fully mine/ours, but there is so much joy. It is a joy to watch him grow, read to him, play with him, do all those grandmother things. I am "Grandma Lisa" and we are comfortable together."

How did you build that relationship?

"Honesty. When our daughter dropped out of the picture for a time, we struggled to figure out how we could stay in our grandson’s life. Eventually we decided that no matter how unstable our daughter’s life was, we are still grandparents. The adoptive family knows we would help them or our grandson in any way."

"I met the adoptive family at the first meeting. After the birth we stayed in touch with visits, phone calls and email. When my grandson was about two years old, his adoptive mom and I agreed that the relationship just felt like a friendship, so why not treat it like a valued friendship? So we do."

"We were fortunate enough to link up with a set of adoptive parents that we ‘clicked’ with. I would think that the way we hit it off was unusual, but our daughter went over the prospective adoptive family profiles carefully and she is very intuitive when it comes to people."

Now that you know what open adoption is like, what would you like to share with other birth grandparents with children considering open adoption?

"Realize that it is your son or daughter’s decision. They are making an informed decision. Be as much a part of the visits with the adoptive family as possible."

"Encourage your child all that you can. Having a child at any age is challenging. Trying to do it alone or with someone who doesn’t want to parent is nearly impossible. Growing up in an atmosphere of resentment is not good for a child. Adoption is a wonderful alternative."

"From the beginning, I told my son and his girlfriend that this was their decision, their responsibility. I did everything to support them, but I was careful not to take control of the situation. The critical thing is to realize that your child is hurting and you must step up and be the parent for your child: to love them no matter what, to offer advise, but only when asked, to do whatever they need to make the best of a scary situation."

"I have learned that my daughter’s adoption plan was really a compliment to my husband and me and how we parented her. She felt she had a wonderful childhood, the very kind she wanted for her own daughter. Our daughter had the maturity to see that she could give her daughter that kind of life by trusting an adoptive family to raise her."

"Be open and honest with the adoptive family. Be willing to go out of your way to get together and build that relationship."

Birth Grandparents

Birth grandparents can play an integral and meaningful role in the open adoption relationship and the adoption planning process. However, birth grandparents can find themselves in a difficult position: wanting to support their child to make a decision they feel good about; while at the same time experiencing strong feelings about the choices their child is facing. Whatever choice birthparents make, the birth grandparents are very much affected.

Open Adoption and Family Services (OA&FS) extends counseling and support to birth grandparents. Counselors can give you a safe place to process your feelings, so that you can be present to give your child positive and unconditional support.

Additional Resources:

• Supporting Birthparents (PDF)
• Branches of a Family Tree
• Birth Grandparents’ Experience

The Benefits of Being Involved

Birthfathers who have placed a child through Open Adoption & Family Services (OA&FS) and OA&FS adoptive families have a lot to say about the important role of birthfathers and the benefits birthfathers receive from being involved in their child’s open adoption.

Andrew, Birthfather
“It is very rewarding and very healing to play a role in your child’s life. Witnessing the birth of my son and seeing the joy of his adoptive parents, Jan and Michael, was the most powerful, sad, joyful day of my life… I personally could not let my girlfriend go through the process alone, nor could I live with not knowing I did not play a role. I wanted my child to know who I was, too.”

Cody, Birthfather
“We liked OA&FS’ program because it gave us (me and the birthmother) a way to be a part of our son’s life. If it hadn’t included that option we wouldn’t have chosen adoption. We wanted to see him grow up. We wanted him to know us … Mitchell (my son) knows I love him; he would be hurt if I wasn’t there. The adoptive parents would be disappointed if I wasn’t part of his life. They’ve laid the groundwork by letting him know where he came from. I followed through by being involved. That makes them happy because Mitchell is happy.”

Bryan, Birthfather
“Thanks to open adoption, my son is in a great place. I can watch him grow and develop with the confidence that he is well loved and provided for. One of the best characteristics of this adoption is that I didn’t lose a family member; I gained many more.”

Warren, Birthfather
“With the exception of immediate family, the reaction of people has been that I may have taken the easy way out (by planning an adoption instead of parenting) and that I lack integrity. However, I know that is not the case. For me, it would have been so much easier to keep my daughter. Wanting a loving family for your child does not equate to a lack of love or integrity. I feel it is just the opposite.”

Jan, Adoptive Mother
“It has meant so much to have Andrew (birthfather) involved. He was involved in choosing us, so we felt an immediate connection to him. We were so lucky he wanted to stay involved in our lives. He and our son Devin have a relationship that’s very special and unique. Andrew writes to him and visits. The friendship they have answers Devin’s questions. It helps him understand himself. They’re pals. As Devin grows, he looks more and more like Andrew. The relationship gives Devin a connection to his origins … This has been so valuable for all of us. We’ve benefited and been enriched so much.”

Nick, Adoptive Father
“Ariel (our daughter) has never had to worry that her birthfather doesn’t love and care about her. His love has been demonstrated over and over again. It’s not enough to just love a child, you have to be there to show them you love them … My daughter’s birthfather is like a close uncle to her and a son-in-law to me.”

Mary Alice, Adoptive Mom
“It takes two people to make a child. If one person is not in the picture later on, there’s a part missing. Cody (birthfather) completes the picture. We are all so fortunate that Cody has stepped up to the plate to be a part of Mitch’s life. Cody is a part of who Mitch is. Without him there’d always be a gap for Mitch … Mitch is closer to his birthfather than his birthmother. They have a physical connection. They’re always wrestling or tickling each other. Mitch likes to grab Cody’s baseball cap so Cody will chase him to get it back.”

Laurel, Adoptive Mom
“Birthmothers may seem front and center, as they are the ones who carried the child. But birthfathers are just as front and center. Their love and acceptance of a birth child is so important to the child. It helps them know themselves and feel good about who they are. By being available and showing an interest -- a kid feels that love and acceptance … We honor Andy (birthfather) as a valuable member of our family. He is just valuable for being the person he is, unconditionally.”

Joell, Adoptive Mom
“Garrett (birthfather) has a strong sense of responsibility to his relationship with Fin (our son). Garrett is very clear about wanting Fin to know how much he cares about him (and our whole family). Even when Garrett was out of the country for two years, he sent Fin numerous postcards and gifts. Fin will always have those to look through and again see how much his birthfather was thinking about him … It’s so valuable to the child to really have the knowledge that his birthparents love him. The best way for a child to experience this is through a relationship with the birthparent. It’s a pretty amazing gift to a child if his birthfather can stick it out and stick around in his child’s life, even when it’s scary.”

About Our Open Adoption Program

At Open Adoption & Family Services (OA&FS), you select the adoptive family. You and the adoptive parents choose the level of openness you both want in your open adoption. Most OA&FS families agree upon a minimum of three visits per year.

We provide lifelong counseling services to our clients to support them as they and their open adoption family relationship grow and change over time. Planning an open adoption through our agency means you’ll have a lifelong relationship with your child and the adoptive family.

Women and couples who plan their adoptions through OA&FS receive the following services at no cost to birthparents:

Choosing a Family

You are the most qualified person to choose adoptive parents for your child.

• You can choose from our pool of 45 to 75 carefully screened waiting families.
• Or, you can come to us with an adoptive family you’ve already chosen.
• Visit our Choosing an Adoptive Family page to get started thinking about what characteristics you’re looking for in an adoptive family
• Review our OA&FS Adoptive Parent Profiles to learn more about our waiting families.

Financial Assistance

Birthparents receive financial assistance for medical, living and pregnancy-related expenses.

The Open Adoption Relationship

Our adoptive parents have chosen to work with OA&FS because they genuinely value openness in adoption and want a lifelong relationship with you. We will give you and the family you’ve chosen the tools and support to create a comfortable and relaxed relationship in which your unique role in the child’s life is honored.

You and the adoptive parents determine what degree of openness, what type of contact and how many visits per year you mutually desire. Together, you and the adoptive parents create a legally enforceable Open Adoption Agreement that outlines the level of contact you will share, including visits and exchange of letters and photos. The degree of openness is individualized, ranging from two to several visits per year.

Counseling and Ongoing Support

Your ongoing needs are important to us. We offer you open adoption counseling, guidance and support free of charge throughout the life of your adoption.

Our Open Adoption Community

Birthparents are an integral part of our thriving open adoption community. Our open adoption community includes families who have placed this month and a generation ago.

• Events: From our summer picnics to our holiday parties, OA&FS hosts a variety of events where you can connect with other birthparents and adoptive families.
• Birthmothers’ Retreat: This annual retreat offers a unique opportunity for birthmothers to feel pampered, supported and to make lasting friendships with other birthmothers.
• Birthparent Group: This private email group provides a place for OA&FS clients that have placed or are considering placing their child, to connect with each other.
• Public Speaking: Birthparents are invited to help educate others about open adoption by sharing their stories at a variety of venues.
• Mentor Program: Birthparents may connect with other OA&FS birthparents who have volunteered to serve as mentors.

Experience

We were the first open adoption agency in the Pacific Northwest. Founded in 1985, we’ve completed over 1,200 successful open adoptions. We have over 25 years of experience providing our clients the support and tools necessary to create healthy extended family relationships.

When you’re comparing agencies or adoption attorneys, be sure to find answers to the important questions listed here: Comparing Services: What You Need to Know.

Adoption Myths and Facts for Birthfathers

Myth: There’s no role for me in the adoption planning process. It’s designed to meet only the needs of the birthmother.
Fact: Birthfathers are very important in the adoption planning process. Your needs and wishes will be respected and discussed in order to create a plan that is inclusive of all parties. You are entitled to free individual counseling, just as the birthmother is.

Myth: Real men keep their children. Only deadbeat dads choose adoption.
Fact: A responsible father ensures that all of his child’s social, emotional and financial needs are met by whatever means necessary. Deciding that adoption best meets a child’s needs is not shameful; it is an honorable, difficult and loving choice.

Myth: My child will hate me if I plan an adoption. He will think I abandoned him.
Fact: Adoption is not, in any way, abandonment. By being involved in an open adoption plan and committing to an ongoing relationship with your child and the adoptive family, you are taking an active and important role in ensuring the well-being of your child.

When children have little or no contact with their biological fathers, they tend to develop unrealistically strong feelings of love or hate for them – casting birthfathers as heroes or villains. The ongoing contact afforded by open adoption allows birthfathers to develop realistic and balanced relationships with their children.

Myth: Birthfathers don’t care what happens to their children.
Fact: We know from experience that birthfathers deeply love their children. But they often feel their role in adoption is nonexistent, or undefined at best. Our open adoption process welcomes you and helps you identify ways to stay involved in your child’s life and to actively demonstrate your care and concern.

Myth: Children of open adoption don’t care about and need their birthfathers as much as they do their birthmothers.
Fact: Adoptive children want and deserve to know their birthfathers just as much as their birthmothers. Both birthparents provide critical keys to a child’s emotional security and his/her genetic history.

Myth: I should be ashamed of choosing not to parent. My friends and family will think less of me if they find out I planned an adoption.
Fact: Many people are unfamiliar with open adoption. As you educate your friends and family about the process, and actively demonstrate your ongoing connection to your child, they will become more familiar with open adoption and, consequently, more supportive.

If you’d like to hear what birthfathers who have placed a child through Open Adoption & Family Services (OA&FS) have to say, check out The Benefits of Being Involved.

Birthfathers Matter

Birthfathers have an important role in their children’s lives. We welcome and encourage father participation in pregnancy options counseling and our open adoption program. All services Open Adoption & Family Services (OA&FS) offers to birthmothers are available to birthfathers.

We understand that there may be circumstances that make you feel hesitant about participating during pregnancy options counseling and in adoption planning. Because we value birthfather involvement, we are committed to creating an environment that respects you and the birthmother. Birthparents can participate together in a shared counseling session or they can each meet with their counselor individually if that feels more comfortable.

To learn more about a birthfather’s role in a open adoption, download our brochure Father’s Matter (PDF).

To Learn More About An Adoptive Family

When you call Open Adoption & Family Services (1-800-772-1115), we'll send you a booklet of family introduction letters, including letters from families who did not wish to post their letter online. You may request the full Family Profile for families that you'd like to learn more about.

Because we and our families respect your need to know as much as possible about the adoptive families you are considering, in their Family Profile we share:

• the family's entire official Homestudy Report (12 to 17 page report)
• detailed autobiographies written by the prospective adoptive parents
• a multi-page photo collage prepared by the prospective adoptive parents to give birthparents a glimpse into their lives.

Choosing An Adoptive Family

Choosing a family to parent your child is a huge decision. In addition to trusting your intuition, you can use the following 10 point scale to help you identify the family characteristics that are most important to you.

Circle the number under each characteristic that best represents how important it is to you. You may clarify your response under each item.

1 = Not important at all  10 = Extremely important

Compatible personality (i.e. What kind of personalities are you drawn to?)

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Location of the family (rural, urban, in state, out of state…)

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Stay-at home parent (full or part-time)

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Pets in the home

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Cultural diversity (family’s culture, race/ethnicity, bi-lingual, etc.)

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Hobbies (art, music, sports, camping, skiing, cooking, reading, sewing, gardening…)

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Religion / Spirituality

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Opportunities to Travel

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Parenting style

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Family’s type of employment

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Family make-up (two parents, single parent, heterosexual or same sex couple)

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Extended family involvement

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Foods eaten (vegetarian, meat and potatoes, organic…)

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

My child’s birth order in the family (i.e. first child or older siblings)

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Environmentally conscious

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Political views

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Sibling(s) for my child

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Family lifestyle  (Active or home bodies, relaxed or busy, physically active, lots of outdoor time)

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Media (computer, video games, television time or low media home)

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

Level of openness (number of visits per year)

1    2    3    4    5    6    7    8    9    10

What are the top 3 most important characteristics/ qualities you are looking for in a family?

Other important qualities you are looking for?

Waiting Families

Birthparents may choose from a pool of 45 to 75 families seeking an open adoption through Open Adoption & Family Services (OA&FS). Below are letters of introduction from some families ready to adopt. When you call us (1-800-772-1115), we'll send you a booklet of family introduction letters, including letters from families who did not wish to post their letter online.

Check out our Choosing an Adoptive Family page to help you identify what qualities you’re looking for in an adoptive family and our page on how you can learn more about families that interest you.

Facts For Birthparents

Adoption has changed a lot over the years. What are some common misconceptions people may still have about birthparents?

Myth: Choosing adoption means I don’t really love my baby.
FACT: Individuals who explore adoption are motivated by their love and concern for their child. Typically, people who make an adoption plan are doing so because they feel the child’s needs will best be met through adoption.

Myth: I got myself into this; I need to do the responsible thing and keep my baby.
FACT: Considering your options does demonstrate taking responsibility. There is no “right” answer. Exploring your circumstances, your feelings, and the needs of your child will empower you to make a decision that’s right for you.

Myth: If I planned an adoption, I would never see my child again.
FACT: Today, most U.S. adoptions are open, with some form of ongoing contact. At OA&FS, birthparents develop a relationship with the adoptive family and create a legally enforceable agreement for ongoing visits with their child. The birthparent’s role is honored and respected.

Myth: If I plan an adoption, I will be haunted by grief and guilt.
FACT: There is grief and loss in adoption; however, open adoption allows you to have a role in your child’s life and the ability to see your child thrive in his/her adoptive family. This brings birthparents peace of mind. By having a relationship with you, your child will experience firsthand your ongoing love and support.

Myth: The birthfather does not care about me or the baby.
FACT: A lack of birthfather involvement does not necessarily reflect a lack of concern. Birthfathers are often unsure about their role. Given the opportunity to have a voice in the process and receive counseling and support, they often become involved in the process.

Myth: I will have little or no control in the adoption process.
FACT: When working with an agency like OA&FS, birthparents are empowered to create an adoption plan that reflects their needs. There are many choices birthparents have that will shape their adoption such as, determining the level of openness they are seeking, hand-selecting an adoptive family, and deciding how involved the adoptive family will be during their pregnancy and birth. Through active participation in their open adoption, birthparents will continue to shape how their open adoption relationship evolves over time.

Myth: Open adoption is confusing for children.
FACT: Secrets are confusing and unhealthy for children. Open adoption removes the mystery and allows the child’s questions to be answered in an open and honest manner. With the love and support of their birth and adoptive families, children develop high self-esteem and a healthy sense of identity.

Myth: My friends and family would think badly of me if I planned an adoption.
FACT: Many people are still unfamiliar with open adoption. You may need to educate your friends and family so they have a better understanding of your experience. If you feel comfortable and confident in your open adoption plan, that will set the stage for how they perceive your decision. One birthfather said, “I always tell people I placed my son in an open adoption. I’ve never met someone who thought less of me after they understood what open adoption is.”

Answers to Questions Frequently Asked by Birthparents

Are the services for birthparents at Open Adoption & Family Services (OA&FS) free of charge?

Yes, all services are provided to birthparents at no charge.

How much control do I have in this whole process?

You have as much control as you want. If you plan an adoption, you choose the family to raise your child. You determine the level of openness that's right for you and your child. You determine who will attend the birth, when your child will be placed, and how often you will visit the adoptive family and receive letters and pictures.

Can I call OA&FS even if I haven’t decided to plan an adoption?

Yes, at OA&FS we believe you know what's best for you and your child. Our counselors will spend as much time as you need to review your options, so you can make the choice that's right for you. If you decide not to plan an adoption, we will refer you to resources and organizations that can assist you.

How much will I know about the adoptive family?

After you review family profiles, which include detailed written information and photos describing the prospective adoptive parents’ home, relationship, families, work and values, you will choose a family and meet them. You will learn much more about the adoptive parents as you get to know one another.

How do I choose an adoptive family?

You and your counselor will talk about what is important to you in choosing the family that will raise your child. You may choose from our diverse pool of 45-75 Waiting Families. We will provide you with complete profiles of the families you want to learn more about, including the homestudy report.

Does OA&FS ever work with families who live outside of Oregon and Washington?

Approximately 10% of the families interested in adopting live outside of Oregon and Washington.

What happens after I choose a family and we meet?

After your first meeting with the adoptive parents, each of you will decide if you want to make an adoption plan together. If so, as you and the adoptive parents get to know one another, you decide the exact terms of the written Open Adoption Agreement, which is a legally enforceable agreement that outlines the ongoing contact between you and the adoptive family. With your counselor’s guidance, you will also develop a birth plan by discussing the following:

• Will the adoptive family be with you during the birth?
• Will the baby room in with you at the hospital?
• What do you want your hospital time to look like?

If OA&FS can help with my expenses, what would that include?

Once you decide to plan an adoption, the adoptive family you choose can assist you with pregnancy-related expenses such as medical costs, clothing, room and board, and lost wages. We'll help you assess your financial needs. We'll work with you so you feel comfortable asking for what you need during your pregnancy and in the weeks following the baby's birth.

Can I name my baby, and will the adoptive parents keep the name I pick?

Yes, you may name the baby. The name you choose will be on the original birth certificate. The adoptive family will also name the baby, and they will receive another birth certificate, which is created at finalization. Choosing a name that all of you like will be part of the discussion during adoption planning.

Is ongoing contact good for my baby?

Research about children in closed adoptions has reported that these children are troubled by two haunting questions: Who do I look like? Why didn't my birthparents keep me? An open adoption allows you, the birthmother, to answer these and other questions, and express your love for your child, in an atmosphere of honesty and openness

Can the birthfather be involved in the process?

Yes, we welcome the cooperation and participation of the birthfather. He can help you choose the family, and he can meet them and develop an ongoing relationship with them. He can provide the same information as you: family background, education, job, medical history, ambitions, etc. We also request that he complete and sign relinquishment papers, if possible, prior to the birth.

Will I be able to see my baby in the hospital? Will my family, friends and the birthfather be able to see my baby?

Yes, you can spend as much time as you would like with your baby. You will determine who else sees the baby. You’re in control of what you want your hospital experience to be like. Your counselor will help you make the arrangements.

When do I sign the relinquishment papers?

In Oregon, you cannot sign the Consent to Adoption and Certificate of Irrevocability, the permanent and legally binding documents that relinquish your parental rights, until after the baby is born. After the birth, you will decide the best time to sign these documents. We prefer that you do not sign them until at least one day after the birth. Many birthparents wait until the day they leave the hospital. In Washington, you may sign the documents prior to birth, but they are not legally binding until they are filed in court at least 48 hours after your baby's birth.

Will I see my child after the placement?

Yes, you may continue to see your child throughout the child’s life. Together you and the adoptive parents will create a legally binding agreement for ongoing contact. OA&FS will help you develop an extended family relationship with the adoptive family that is comfortable to all parties.

Why would I choose an OA&FS family instead of picking a family who advertises in the newspaper or on the internet?

The families who chose to work with OA&FS are committed to developing a long-term relationship with a baby and the baby’s birthfamily. Before they enter our pool, they have passed background checks and worked with us to prepare for having an open adoption. You won’t be alone in this process: our counselors can facilitate discussion and meetings between you and the adoptive parents. Our agency ensures your open adoption agreement for ongoing contact is legally enforceable. After your adoption is finalized, we offer post-placement counseling and services at no cost to you.

What if I change my mind?

No binding decision can be made until after your baby is born. In Oregon, once you sign the Consent to Adoption and Certificate of Irrevocability (and only you will decide when that will be) and the baby is placed with the adoptive parents, you cannot change your decision unless you can prove in a court of law you signed the documents under conditions of fraud or duress. In Washington, the signed documents are declared legally binding after they are filed in court, which occurs a minimum of 48 hours after the birth.

How soon after the baby is born can it be placed in its new home?

The baby may go home with its new family when he or she is discharged from the hospital.

After the adoption is completed, will I need to have any further contact with OA&FS? If so, why and under what circumstances?

We strongly encourage you to stay in touch with us for post-placement counseling. We are always available to provide you with open adoption counseling and support. You are also welcome to join in our open adoption community events, including the summer picnic and the holiday party, our annual Birthmother Retreat, and ongoing educational workshops.

What if I already know someone I’d like to adopt my baby?

You do not have to choose a family through our program. We will work with you and any family you select. Even if you know the family you’ve chosen, it helps to have a counselor to facilitate the discussion of delicate issues, such as finances, the hospital experience and post-adoption contact. Our counselors can help with these issues and provide you with guidance as you and the adoptive family develop an ongoing relationship.

What if I’m a sexual minority?

OA&FS welcomes people of all sexual orientations and gender identities. We honor and celebrate the diversity of our clients, and we strive to create an inclusive environment where all of our clients feel safe and respected.

What do I do next?

Call (toll free 24/7 at 1-800-772-1115) or email (information@openadopt.org) us to make an appointment with a counselor. If transportation is a problem, we'll come to you. We'll be discreet when returning your call.

What are some myths people unfamiliar with adoption may still believe?

Adoption has changed. Open adoptions put the child’s need for ongoing contact with his or her birthparents at the forefront of the relationship. If you or others you know are unfamiliar with how adoption is practiced today, check out our Myths and Facts (PDF) flyer.

Our Pledge to Birthparents

You will always be important in your child’s life. As a birthparent considering adoption, you have many choices. At Open Adoption & Family Services (OA&FS), we’re here to listen, support and empower you to create a plan for your child’s future.

We can offer you:

Our compassion and respect. Everyone at OA&FS holds birthparents in high regard. You are the best judge of your needs and the needs of your child. We are here to listen and provide you with choices and resources.

Our guidance in planning your child-centered open adoption. At OA&FS, we are committed to helping you plan an open adoption in which you and the adoptive family create a healthy long-term relationship that meets the ongoing needs of your child. You are empowered to make your adoption vision a reality.

Our representation as you plan your open adoption. By working with OA&FS, you are choosing an open adoption philosophy that supports your enduring role in your child’s life. To assist you as you select an adoptive family, you will be provided with detailed information about the 45 to 75 pre-screened Waiting Families in our pool. These families are working with OA&FS because they want an open and genuine ongoing relationship with you. If you would like to work with adoptive parents who are not in our pool, we can bring them into our process. As your representative, we will ensure that your plan continues to reflect your adoption vision and meets your needs.

Our assistance in creating a legally enforceable open adoption agreement. In creating your open adoption agreement, you choose the number of visits you want per year. Our contracts last until your child is an adult. We also provide guidance in creating a strong, healthy relationship with the adoptive family.

Our ongoing support. We offer birthparent support groups, email groups, a mentor program, retreats and lifelong counseling. We want to welcome you to our open adoption community!

Comparing Services

The term open adoption means different things to different people. At Open Adoption & Family Services (OA&FS), open adoption means you will have an ongoing relationship with your child and the adoptive family. There are aso differences in the type and level of service you will receive when placing a child for adoption independently, through an adoption attorney or with the support of an adoption agency.

What You Need to Know

When you are comparing agencies or adoption attorneys, be sure to find answers to the following important questions:

Words from Birthparents

Melissa

“Open adoption was the light when everything else was dark. It gave me the opportunity to have a relationship with my daughter, while making sure she’d get everything she needs. I love that I can call her anytime; I love that  we have a natural, close relationship. I will always know she’s safe and happy, and she’ll know that about me, too.”

Robert

“I got involved in the adoption planning so I could be part of my daughter’s life. The counselor treated me well and made sure everybody felt comfortable. The adoptive parents are two of the coolest people I’ve ever met. After the placement I gave them a big hug and said, ‘You’re raising my daughter, we’re family.’ Our daughter will know us, her heritage, and her background — which are really important for helping a child discover who they are.”

RandiSue

“My counselor helped me look at all of my options: what parenting would be like, what my goals were for my child and myself. I wondered if I could ever find the right adoptive parents, but I did. I was nervous at first, but we grew close so fast and felt comfortable together. We wanted the same thing: for the adoption to be open, and for Megan to know who I am and to have a real relationship with me.”