Facts For Birthparents

Adoption has changed a lot over the years. What are some common misconceptions people may still have about birthparents?

Myth: Choosing adoption means I don’t really love my baby.
FACT: Individuals who explore adoption are motivated by their love and concern for their child. Typically, people who make an adoption plan are doing so because they feel the child’s needs will best be met through adoption.

Myth: I got myself into this; I need to do the responsible thing and keep my baby.
FACT: Considering your options does demonstrate taking responsibility. There is no “right” answer. Exploring your circumstances, your feelings, and the needs of your child will empower you to make a decision that’s right for you.

Myth: If I planned an adoption, I would never see my child again.
FACT: Today, most U.S. adoptions are open, with some form of ongoing contact. At OA&FS, birthparents develop a relationship with the adoptive family and create a legally enforceable agreement for ongoing visits with their child. The birthparent’s role is honored and respected.

Myth: If I plan an adoption, I will be haunted by grief and guilt.
FACT: There is grief and loss in adoption; however, open adoption allows you to have a role in your child’s life and the ability to see your child thrive in his/her adoptive family. This brings birthparents peace of mind. By having a relationship with you, your child will experience firsthand your ongoing love and support.

Myth: The birthfather does not care about me or the baby.
FACT: A lack of birthfather involvement does not necessarily reflect a lack of concern. Birthfathers are often unsure about their role. Given the opportunity to have a voice in the process and receive counseling and support, they often become involved in the process.

Myth: I will have little or no control in the adoption process.
FACT: When working with an agency like OA&FS, birthparents are empowered to create an adoption plan that reflects their needs. There are many choices birthparents have that will shape their adoption such as, determining the level of openness they are seeking, hand-selecting an adoptive family, and deciding how involved the adoptive family will be during their pregnancy and birth. Through active participation in their open adoption, birthparents will continue to shape how their open adoption relationship evolves over time.

Myth: Open adoption is confusing for children.
FACT: Secrets are confusing and unhealthy for children. Open adoption removes the mystery and allows the child’s questions to be answered in an open and honest manner. With the love and support of their birth and adoptive families, children develop high self-esteem and a healthy sense of identity.

Myth: My friends and family would think badly of me if I planned an adoption.
FACT: Many people are still unfamiliar with open adoption. You may need to educate your friends and family so they have a better understanding of your experience. If you feel comfortable and confident in your open adoption plan, that will set the stage for how they perceive your decision. One birthfather said, “I always tell people I placed my son in an open adoption. I’ve never met someone who thought less of me after they understood what open adoption is.”