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Consider Your Choices...

Open Adoption & Family Services, Inc. (OA&FS) supports birth and adoptive parents in making decisions about parenthood in an atmosphere of dignity, respect and openness. We operate on the assumption that birthparents who contact us have shown responsibility, initiative, and love of self and child. We assume you are capable of continued good judgment in making appropriate decisions about your child's future. Everyone at OA&FS holds birthparents in high regard. Our goal is to support your continued empowerment as you make choices.

At OA&FS we help birthparents assess their situations and determine the option that best suits their needs. You don't have to make your final decision before coming to see us. Through the counseling process, without pressure to make a particular decision, we explore various scenarios with you, and consider a series of questions together. Options counseling and all our services are free of charge for birthparents.

The decision is yours. If you decide to parent, we will refer you to helpful agencies and community resources. If you choose abortion, we will supply you with appropriate information and referral services. If you find yourself unprepared to parent, or unable to parent a child already born, adoption may be an option. Thinking about the following questions may help you with that decision.

What do you want to do?

• Do you like the idea of being a full-time parent?
• Do you feel prepared for the responsibility of raising this child?
• Are you able to create the home and life that you want for your child?
• Does parenting fit in with your plans and goals?
• What do your loved ones want you to do?
• Does the father of the baby know and care what happens?
• Is he involved in your life and your plans for the future?
• Does he want to be involved in raising the child? Will he provide financial support?
• Will he participate in adoption planning?
• What emotional and other support do your family & friends provide?
• What support would they provide if you decide to raise the child?
• Would they be supportive of your choosing another family to raise the child?
• What if you decide to raise the child?
• Do you have a way to support yourself and the child?
• Do you have a good childcare plan?
• Will you get financial help from the birthfather or from welfare?
• How will a child affect your ability to pursue your favorite interests?
• Are you ready to give love and attention to a child without expecting him or her to fill your needs?
• Will you be able to handle the responsibility for an active two-year-old on your own?
• What will your life be like in five years?
• What if you choose open adoption?
• Are you ready to let go of a parenting relationship with your child?
• Is adoption right for you, or do you think adoption is what you ought to do?
• Would you be comfortable with an ongoing relationship with the adoptive family and the child?
• Financial challenges are temporary; adoption is forever. Are you comparing yourself unfavorably with what an adoptive family can offer?
• Are you giving yourself credit for your ability to be a good parent?
• If adoption is your choice, are you prepared for the sense of loss the separation will bring?
• Do you have supportive, caring people who will go through the adoption with you?
• Do you have plans for afterward, when you are no longer responsible for the child?

Choices in open adoption

Do you know what you want in an adoptive family?

• Have you thought about their values, lifestyle, interests, religion, number of children, childcare plans, family opportunities, and any other requirements?
• Do you know how you want to relate to the adoptive family? For example: at the initial meeting, while creating an open adoption agreement, involvement in birth plans, shared time in the hospital, and visits afterward.
• Do you want to talk with the prospective adoptive parents about the name they will choose for the baby and the name you will choose?
• The adoptive parents can cover some pregnancy-related expenses, such as medical costs. What unmet costs do you anticipate?