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Questions Frequently Asked by Birth Grandparents

Birthgrandparent - Pam
Birthmom - Jaque
Adopted Child - Adrie

An unintended pregnancy can be a stressful and dynamic time in families. Please take the time to consider your own feelings regarding this pregnancy. OAFS supports every member of a birth family during this critical time.

Is Raising this Child My Responsibility?

• What do your emotional, physical, and financial resources look like?
• Are you prepared to have a child in your home and create the home and life you would like for your grandchild?
• What typically happens in your family when there is a crisis?
• Do you expect yourself to parent out of your love for your child?
• Does your child expect you to parent if he/she is not in a position to do so?

Respect your child as someone unique and separate from yourself. This is ultimately their decision.

Will I Still be a Grandparent if My Child Plans an Adoption?

• What would being a grandparent mean to you?
• Does this vision fit with your child and the adoptive family’s vision?
• How do you see yourself being involved in an ongoing relationship with your birth grandchild?

Your grandchild will always be a part of your life regardless of whether your child chooses to parent or place the child with an adoptive family.

Will My Child Accomplish his/her Goals and Dreams if he/she Chooses to Parent?

• What are your hopes and dreams for your child?
• How may your hopes and dreams differ from those of your child?
• Is it possible for she/he to accomplish their goals while parenting?
• What concerns would you have should your child choose to parent?

Your child is already behaving like a responsible parent by taking the time to consider all their options.

Can My Child Handle the Emotional Pain of an Adoption Plan?

• How has your child coped with grief and loss in the past?
• How have you managed loss in your own life?
• Is loss through adoption a family pattern? If so, how do these past experiences influence your thoughts/feelings now?
• Are you in some ways blaming yourself for your child’s current circumstances?
• What family rituals are in place to commemorate losses?

The life experiences of your child may be very different from your own.

How Can I Best Demonstrate My Love and Understanding for My Child?

• How can you support your child no matter their decision?
• What can you do to prepare yourself for this life change?
• What kind of role does your child want you to play while they are contemplating their decision?
• What expectations does your child have of you should she/he choose to parent or plan an adoption?

Give yourself permission to grieve the upcoming changes in the life of your child, no matter their choice. Ask for assistance if needed. If you do not know what to say to your child, just being there shows you care.