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Stories from Adoptive Parents

Open Adoption Seven Years Later

From an Oct. 25, 2004, letter written to the OA&FS staff by adoptive mother Diane Tyson:

I read with enthusiasm the 2003-2004 Annual Report and felt compelled to write. Congratulations on the continued success of your agency and the groundbreaking education you provide to all parties involved.

We started out with your agency, going through the workshops and the evening get-togethers with other prospective adoptive parents. All of the education and experience you provide adoptive parents is invaluable for long-term successful open adoption relationships with the birth families.

We adopted Trevor through John Chally’s office in May of 1997. We were in the pool at OA&FS when our birthmother came to Mr. Chally’s office. His agency at the time networked with OA&FS and that is how we came to adopt our son.

Open adoption seven years later...

It is fantastic. We talk about four times a year to Annie, Trevor’s birthmother. We send cards and pictures frequently. As the years have gone by, it becomes less of how is Trevor doing, but a general love, care and concern for all the families involved. We love Annie, her husband and their child. Annie’s grandmother, Trevor’s birth-great-grandmother, has traveled to Arizona and stayed in our home. We adore Grandma Georgia; she showers both our children with such love. I often use the saying, “You can’t have too many people love your children.” I can’t imagine not knowing, communicating and, frankly, loving both our kids’ birth families.

Our daughter...

Ava found us. Trevor was not quite 2 when we received a call from the attorney who finalized Trevor’s adoption saying we met the profile for a birthmother at a different adoption agency. We were not looking to adopt again so soon. Trevor as a toddler was all the energy we could handle in one household. But we submitted our Dear Birthparent letter and our wonderful second birthmother, Christine, chose us. Christine was very hesitant about open adoption. She had come to Portland to hide her pregnancy; and at the time, we were not permitted to know her last name.

However, with the positive experiences we had with Trevor’s birth family, we were determined to have some type of relationship with her and her family. We had time our side, 8 weeks. We had Christine and her family for dinners at our house, picnics at the park with Trevor, and that is when she decided that open adoption would be the best option for her. Christine had a very rough time after the birth of Ava. She briefly considered trying to get Ava back. It was open adoption that saved all of us from that horrible outcome. Christine visited us frequently the first six months. She stayed in our home. She got to experience Ava as much as she wanted. We were patient. We let her work through her emotions. Christine did not have counseling; she was not aware of the intense emotions that flood a birthmother when she gets home without their baby. We knew and understood her emotions because of the incredible education we received early on at OA&FS.

Today, we see Christine frequently, as she lives 30 minutes from us in the Phoenix area. Her family has Christmas celebrations with us; we celebrate birthdays together. My daughter knows how loved she is by her birth family. She knows whom she looks like and why she will only be 5’2” in a home of over-6-foot-tall parents!

We are so thankful to your agency for providing all parties the necessary education needed for successful adoptions and successful, long-term, meaningful relationships with birth families.

Thank you. Our family is forever indebted to your agency.