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Stories from Adoptive Parents

Open Adoption: Life with a View

Executive Director and adoptive parent Shari Levine wrote this article for Resolve Newsletter. Resolve is a support group for infertile couples.

It was a rare day in the Northwest: clear and beautiful. My husband, Cam, and I decided to seize the opportunity and climbed to the top of Spencer's Butte in Eugene. The peak offered a panoramic view; you could see for miles. But as I tried to absorb the beauty that surrounded me, my world felt painfully dark and small. Six and a half years of infertility treatments had weakened my spirit. As we sat on the mountain's edge, I told Cam that I had reached an impasse. The optimism that was so customary to my nature was slipping from my grasp. He took my hand and said that he too felt the toll it had taken had become too great. It was time to choose another path. As we hiked down the mountain, my steps began to feel lighter and the surrounding landscape slowly came into focus.

The next day we began researching adoption. Our search led us to Open Adoption & Family Services. The agency's philosophy was rooted in a profound belief in the potential for trust and kindness which, I feel, is found at every person's core. Their approach made sense to me. What I didn't realize was how soon my life would begin to make sense to me again. At the Agency's seminar in Portland, we learned about a birthmother named Faith, who would soon be choosing parents for her unborn child. The description of her immediately caught our attention. We were perpetually drawn to Faith as we completed our paperwork and the homestudy process. Next we left for a trip to Canada we had planned and came home to the news that Faith had chosen us. We were elated! Our path, which had been previously marked by repeated disappointment, was suddenly grounded in hope.

When we arrived in Portland to meet Faith, we found an intelligent, compassionate, vulnerable young woman. Within seconds, I knew our paths were meant to merge. As we formed a close and unwavering bond, my vision of the relationship that lay before us became crystal clear. I felt pure affection, admiration and respect for Faith.

Faith squeezed our hands as she pushed Gabriel into the world. I was awestruck by the immensity of the gift she placed in our arms. Cam and I have spent every moment since that day, five and a half years ago, falling deeply in love with little Gabriel. The experience of being Gabriel's mom has been more joyful than I could have possibly imagined. Over the years, I have come to realize, with amazing clarity, that what I waited for, during those long and painful years, was not a pregnancy, but the opportunity to be Gabriel's mom. At the point of that realization, the difficult and convoluted path I had taken prior to adopting was completely and entirely worth it.

Faith and her husband, Chris, have become a natural part of our family. Loving Faith has been an easy extension of loving Gabriel. Faith has a quiet, sweet presence in our lives. Six years ago, Faith chose, and helped to create, a family for Gabriel. Every action she has taken since that moment has supported her decision and our family. Faith has given us not only the gift of Gabriel, but the gift of her blessing of his adoption as well. Without that, the experience would have been forever incomplete. This year for Mother's Day, after handing me a bouquet of flowers, Faith hugged me and said, "You are the best mom I know." My heart overflowed.

Gabriel has had an uneventful adoption. There are no secrets, no mystery, no drama in his life. Gabriel's open adoption has given him a deeply rooted sense of security. We all take great pleasure in watching this caring, bright, sweet, confident little boy grow and flourish.

Now Cam and I plan to adopt again. This time, as we climb gently towards new heights, the scenery comes gradually and magnificently into view.