Fears and Facts about Open Adoption...

FEAR: I'll feel jealous of the birthmother if she is in our lives.

FACT: In a recent OA&sFS survey*, eight out of 10 respondents reported they did not feel jealous of their child's birthmother.

FEAR: Having contact with the birth family will be an intrusion on my family.

FACT: In a recent OA&sFS survey, families that had regular contact with the birth family reported a higher level of satisfaction with their adoptions.

FEAR: The birthmother is more likely to change her mind if she does an open adoption.

FACT: Only 10% of birth parents who placed their children through OA&sFS change their minds after they have chosen adoptive parents. Nationally, 20% change their minds

FEAR: There are no boundaries in an open adoption. The birthparents will visit whenever they want.

FACT: Adoptive parents and birthparents create an open adoption agreement, an individualized plan that outlines in advance the number of ongoing visits, and the exchange of letters and photos.

FEAR: If I adopt, I'll continue to feel grief about not having a biological child.

FACT: In a recent OA&sFS survey, nine out of 10 adoptive parents reported they did not continue to feel infertility-related grief after their adoptions.

FEAR: Ongoing contact will only benefit the birthmother.

FACT: A national study (Grotevant & McRoy, 1998) found that adoptive parents benefit most in open adoptions because they feel more in control of the birthparents' involvement than adoptive parents in closed adoptions.

FEAR: In an open adoption, my extended family will be less welcoming of my child.

FACT: Nearly 100% of OA&sFS adoptive parents who responded to a recent survey reported that their extended families relate very positively to their adopted children.

FEAR: I am afraid open adoption will be confusing for my child.

FACT: We have learned from closed adoption that secrecy confuses children. Children benefit from access to open, honest information. In an open adoption, the roles of the adoptive parents and the birthparents are separate and clearly defined.

FEAR: When my child is a teenager, he/she will want to live with his birthparents.

FACT: This is less likely to happen when children know their birthparents. They have no fantasies about their birthparents. Children of open adoption bond with their adoptive parents just as strongly as children who are raised by their biological parents.

FEAR: I'm afraid the birthmother will try to undermine my relationship with my child.

FACT: In an open adoption, the birthmother's role is to support the adoptive parents as the child's parents. The birthmother does not compete with the adoptive parents.

* Open Adoption & Family Services distributed an extensive adoptive parent survey to families who adopted from 1985 to 2001. Forty-nine percent (297) of the 601 surveys were completed and returned.